I'm afraid that I'm never going to meet a man that will love me and want to carry out a close, serious, committed relationship with only me.

Y'know, because of my shy, dorky, awkward, sarcastic, cancer-ific ways.

... I really hope I'm wrong. I just hope someone will love and be with me even though I have flaws and quite a few battle scars. That would make me very happy.

Oh well, I guess I have a few years to work on it... Maybe someday.

I'm tired. Good night everyone.

I don't know for sure yet, but this is usually how it all starts.

I recently found a bump on the back of my head. I didn't tell anyone about it because, well, I was scared and had enough to deal with. After a lot of thought and tears, I decided I needed to tell someone. I told my mom. She told Dad, and it was just one big cry-fest Saturday night.

I don't remember bumping my  head at any point. I don't know where it could have come from. I was just running my hand through my hair and found it not too long ago. I don't feel like my vision's going like last time. It doesn't feel like it's growing quickly (if at all), but I'm not taking any chances. We're trying to get some scans done asap.

I really hope it's nothing. There's always that chance. Unfortunately, with me, things don't usually work out like that. I don't know what it is yet, so I'm trying not to worry too much about it now. I'll worry about it when I know for sure what it is.

Stay positive, positive... Maybe, for once, it really is nothing to worry about.

I'm sure everything will be okay, either way. I'm just a little upset about the whole thing at the moment. Blegh. Wish me luck, I guess. I may or may not need it, heh.



I always find a way to ruin everyone's happiness. This year, I'm working on ruining the holidays for my family. I am the worst daughter/friend/girlfriend/anything anybody can have.

Hope you're all having a much better Monday than I am. Bye.

I received my last dose of radiation yesterday. It was the end of a three month ordeal. I was to receive a dose of radiation every weekday for six to eight weeks. In typical me fashion, I could not allow things to go that smoothly.

The hospital isn't all that close to my home, so we had to commute every day. Originally, we took the train and bus to get to the hospital (a two hour ordeal when combining both the train and bus rides). I would arrive at the hospital, receive treatment, and then we would rush to catch the bus and, hopefully, catch the earlier train home (a two hour trip home). We managed to do this for three straight weeks, never missed a day.

Then, as usual, I decided to make the whole process a lot more difficult for myself. I became extremely dehydrated and had to take a break from treatment to become well again. Dehydration, vomiting, diarrhea, fevers, E.R. visits, abdominal cramps all kept me stuck in bed for a good month or so. I was receiving twelve hours of fluids a night for the first few weeks to re-hydrate my body. For the next three weeks, I received nutrients for sixteen hours a day in an attempt to get my weight back up (I had lost ten pounds by this point).

... I have never been so sick in my entire life...

Thankfully, I got back to semi-normal and was able to continue treatment. Instead of taking the train and bus, we drove in every day for three weeks. Sometimes it was annoying, but it was gentler on my body. I managed to finish up my six week treatment. Yesterday was my last day.

I meant to take more pictures, but I only managed to get a couple.



It's my mom! She was the one that got me to all 31 of my treatments. Thanks Mom!



Oh my, I need a haircut. It's me on my last day! Hooray! We're waiting for the doctor to finish with a patient. He promised to take a picture with me...



There he is! He's probably my favorite-ist doctor I've had throughout this whole thing.



And a picture with my mom! Thanks for killing my cancer!

Unfortunately, these are the only pictures I got. But, clearly, I am super happy to be done.

Radiation sucks!

Have a happy happy weekend! I know I will!